Is a rat right for me?

ATTENTION, It just very well may be!!

People of all ages enjoy the company of a pet rat. However, rats are most suitable for either the very young, or the very old. Those who are physically frail, weak and vulnerable are most suited to rat ownership as rat hates nothing more than owners who can actually retaliate to the occasional nibble.

The rat/owner relationship should not be one of singular domination, rather, the two should co-exist, living and feeding symbiotically off the other. Those coming under the possession of a rat should be aware of the mandatory rat-ownership regulations - each 12 months that the rat is imprisoned, the afore-mentioned rat is entitled to four cubic inches of owner flesh.

This explains why the best rat owners are either extremely old or exceedingly young - the old dont really need their limbs anymore anyway, and fresh young flesh always grows back as would the arm of a star-fish.

However, both old and young rat-owners alike should know that there is some amount of responsibility involved with owning any rat, even if it is only as small as a dog. You need to be able to spend ample time with your rat each and every day. Rats require at least four hours of time a day, even if it's just riding around on your shoulder or in your clothes while you clean the house or write pornographic fiction.

Rats also require their cages to be cleaned hourly, and food and water changed daily or every other day that they are not given live or raw flesh. Rats should not be kept outside, as this is not a safe place, nor a happy place for your rat to be, unless of course it has made its preferences for the outdoor life quite clear, and if he doesnt mind being hit on by other rats of an opposing or the same sex. Otherwise, He or she Rat should be kept inside, and they usually like to be where they can see what is going on, especially if it involves ping pong balls or enemas.

Other Animals

Make sure that the rat is not near any animals that may be scared or harmed by the presence of a rat, unless of course you want that happening as it can often be fairly entertaining for short periods of time.I have a Golden Retriever who watches the rat cage and often lets out little woofs. This dog (Gracie) should not be allowed near the rat when it is out of the cage unless you have a small animal fighting ring and have placed a large bet on the rat.

Children

I cannot stress this enough. Rats are very kind to children, but understand that rats can be rough. Kids should ALWAYS be supervised when holding rats. Children can easily be injured or lost when playing with a rat. After a child reaches about age 10 and can understand that they are inferior to their pet, I think it's okay for them to hold the rat without supervision. Please keep in mind that all children are different and some/most may not be mature enough even by ten.

Landlords and homes

Rats also love to play on the floor, exploring, but they are horrid chewers and can easily ruin things in a matter of moments. Make sure at least one room is "rat-proofed" with wires, toxins, etc. out of harm's way. A room padded for psychological reasons would be best. Lastly, rats are very kind animals when they are given raw flesh, and they love attention and you. Most landlords will tolerate them because it is known, rats have an uncanny talent for hiring armed thugs. Ask your landlord if rats are okay. If the landlord says no, you can always hide your rat in the closet for five minutes while your landlord is in your apartment, or you could beat him with a hindquarter of meat which can then later be fed to your rat.;)!